Farm Estate Planning Series: How well do you really know your family?

Disclaimer - The following is meant only for educational purposes and not to be construed as legal or tax advice.

PEORIA, Ill. - Family dynamics are complex. Different family members see the same reality through different lenses. The Farm Estate Planning Series is designed to help families navigate the challenges of farm succession to secure their legacy. Taking an honest look at your family dynamics can be a significant struggle. In Illinois, a significant number of farmers are over 60, with many over 70 and even 80. The number of farms not protected by a sound estate plan is staggeringly high. Critical factors such as family dynamics and legal complexities often create severe friction, delaying crucial farm transition and inheritance planning. 

Family Relationships can be Forever Damaged

Over the years, I’ve had aging farm couples contact me to discuss their succession planning. It is common for the next generation to join their parents at the table to discuss the future of the family farm. The mother routinely serves as the central anchor, caught between men who remain emotionally and physically distanced, never exchanging eye contact. In the call to schedule the meeting, usually made by mom/wife, the situation is described as a loving, great-communicating family that needs a little advice. If the couple is in my office with no adult children present, they present a mostly united front on how well the family is getting along on the subject. It is often during a brief intermission—when one party steps out of the room—that the truth emerges. In these quiet windows, individuals regularly open up about their most overwhelming family challenges and the emotional weight of estate planning.

One of the most memorable conversations was with the spouse of a next-generation farmer chosen to inherit the operation and its primary assets. However, other family members also wanted that distinction. The spouse of the selected adult child didn’t understand why this announcement strained sibling relationships within the family, resulting in a sudden cutoff that extended even to the grandchildren at school. 

In another family example, the adult who had just taken over the farm, having been chosen over others, told me how angry his siblings were about it, and he was irritated with them for being angry. He seemed puzzled and became very upset when I stated the obvious about why his siblings were angry with him. He may have understood his siblings' resentment perfectly well—and chose to ignore it. These examples are not unusual. Surprisingly, the best way to save sibling relationships is a transparent farm succession plan. Thorough, group communication with all immediate family members prevents the misunderstandings that often tear families apart.

Mom and Dad Must Agree in Front of their Adult Children

Every family has relationship challenges, and children, including adult ones, compete for position in the family in one way or another. One way to gain positional power is for a child to find an ally among one of the parents. Parents see this with their children when they are young, but such dynamics persist into adulthood. With hundreds of thousands, or even millions, of dollars at stake, dividing farm assets evenly among family members remains a complex challenge. 

Properly dividing these assets is incredibly difficult, particularly when passing the operational reins to a single chosen heir. Achieving parental unity on major decisions—even when a farm couple doesn't fully agree—is critical to safeguarding the long-term relationships and harmony of their children after their passing. Focus on open negotiation and compromise rather than rigid demands. Prioritize preserving family relationships over operational continuity, and don't hesitate to seek professional guidance if discussions stall.

Be Aware

Even in the most harmonious families, estate planning can strain relationships. Dividing a multi-generational farm business involves complex operational realities that cannot be resolved with simple, equal divisions. Dividing a family farm equally among family members could destroy it. If your goal is to keep the operation running, splitting assets evenly or forcing too many family members to live off the farm's income often makes generational survival impossible. To protect your legacy, you must watch out for these latent, negative family dynamics.

Consider how your loved ones might interpret your choices after you are gone, without your voice to provide context. Are they fair with each other, especially when it comes to money? Do certain family members drive others away through conflict or bullying, while simultaneously adopting the persona of the loyal child? There are descriptive names for the family figures involved, but that isn’t a good way to analyze things, since people are complex beings. This raises concerns that personal and family well-being may be compromised, ultimately making it unsustainable. Take an honest look at your family's future. Hard work built the farm, but without a clear plan, the stress of succession can strain even the closest family bonds.

The Answer

To solve these issues, the aging farm parents must carefully plan out the farm succession and carefully communicate these plans as a family. Your plan won't be perfect, but it can help reduce future conflict-related damage. The key is to listen actively and clearly communicate the plan to your family and team. No one can predict the future, but you can spot potential bottlenecks early—and plans can always change as life does. The parents need to fully express their desires for the farm's future after listening intently to what their adult children have to say about their own future and the farm's future. To verify their understanding of the estate plan, recap the details and ask open-ended questions.

Kevin Brooks is a Farm Management Educator with the University of Illinois Extension in Fulton, Mason, Peoria, and Tazewell counties. Kevin's email address is kwbrooks@illinois.edu 

PHOTO CAPTION:  The future of your farm depends on who is in the driver's seat. True estate planning means having a deep understanding of which family members are ready to lead. (Photo by Kevin Brooks)