“Self-Compassion is the biggest gift we can give everyone we come into contact with.” – Kristen Neff
While many would describe themselves as a compassionate person, few agree they easily offer compassion to themselves. One may be quick to offer words of comfort to a friend who is experiencing hard times, however it’s often with a critical voice of judgment or criticism that we respond to ourselves.
The stress of life during a pandemic seems to provide countless opportunities where individuals are feeling as if they are falling short. Many of my friends and colleagues have shared stories of feeling bad about themselves for any number of things including snapping at their child or partner, feeling “less than” for not organizing all the closets in their house or learning a new hobby during this time, or just struggling with feelings of anxiety and grief.
As you think about your own struggles during this time, how do you respond to yourself? If you hear that harsh voice of the inner critic, you are not alone. Now, what if a close friend shared the same concerns, would you use that same harsh tone in responding to them? Probably not.
So, how can we give ourselves the same kindness and care that we would give a friend? Leading self-compassion researcher, Kristen Neff defines self-compassion as containing three elements: mindfulness, common humanity and self-kindness. The next time you are struggling with your inner critic, give Kristen’s Self-Compassion Break a try:
- Say to yourself: “this is a moment of suffering”. This is mindfulness. You might also try “this hurts”, or “this is stress”.
- Say to yourself: “suffering is a part of life”. This is common humanity. You might also try “I’m not alone”, or “we all struggle sometimes”.
- Say to yourself: “what do I need to hear right now to express kindness to myself?” This is self-kindness. Follow up with a phrase that speaks to you. A few ideas – “may I forgive myself”, “may I be strong”, “may I learn to accept myself as I am”.
This practice can be used at any time, and as often as needed. While this may feel awkward or uncomfortable at first, I encourage you to stick with the practice. You will likely find more ease with time, and maybe even begin to make friends with your own inner nurturer.
Check out more of Kristen’s self-compassion exercises here: